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JISHOU, HUNAN — I wish she would just shut up, go back to Alaska and do whatever she did before being picked as Sen. John McCain’s running mate. Oh, wait, she can’t. She quit that job. Well, you get my point.

Days after the shootings in Arizona, after a number of people remarked on her use of gun-friendly terminology and metaphors, Sarah came out of her Lower 48 igloo to post a long-winded video on her Facebook page. Here is the text, with my commentary in all-caps. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone.
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Like millions of Americans I learned of the tragic events in Arizona on Saturday, and my heart broke for the innocent victims. No words can fill the hole left by the death of an innocent, but we do mourn for the victims’ families as we express our sympathy. HOLE? POOR CHOICE OF WORDS FOR GUNSHOT VICTIMS. “WE” — ARE WE QUEEN NOW?

I agree with the sentiments shared yesterday at the beautiful Catholic mass held in honor of the victims. The mass will hopefully help begin a healing process for the families touched by this tragedy and for our country. BLAH BLAH BLAH — POLITICIANS’ PLATITUDES

Our exceptional nation, so vibrant with ideas and the passionate exchange and debate of ideas, is a light to the rest of the world. BIBLICAL LANGUAGE. AND LOTS OF “ANDS,” ALSO. Congresswoman Giffords and her constituents were exercising their right to exchange ideas that day, to celebrate our Republic’s core values and peacefully assemble to petition our government. OF COURSE, NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THAT ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD. It’s inexcusable and incomprehensible why a single evil man took the lives of peaceful citizens that day. COULD YOU BE A LITTLE MORE EMPHATIC PLEASE? YOU SOUND LIKE A SCHOOLMARM.

There is a bittersweet irony that the strength of the American spirit shines brightest in times of tragedy. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THAT, NO SIRREE. THAT IS WHY I WAITED A FEW DAYS TO MAKE THESE REMARKS. We saw that in Arizona. We saw the tenacity of those clinging to life, the compassion of those who kept the victims alive, and the heroism of those who overpowered a deranged gunman. YAY, US!

Like many, I’ve spent the past few days reflecting on what happened and praying for guidance. After this shocking tragedy, I listened at first puzzled, then with concern, and now with sadness, to the irresponsible statements from people attempting to apportion blame for this terrible event. IT TOOK A WHILE, BECAUSE I AM A LITTLE SLOW ON THE UPTAKE. THEN I REALIZED THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ME. ME!

President Reagan said, “We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.” Acts of monstrous criminality stand on their own. They begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively with all the citizens of a state, not with those who listen to talk radio, not with maps of swing districts WITH GUNSIGHT SYMBOLS — I WONDER WHO USED THOSE?

Palin has you targeted

The campaign map that used to be on Sarah Palin's website

used by both sides of the aisle ONLY ONE USED GUNSIGHTS, not with law-abiding citizens who respectfully exercise their First Amendment rights at campaign rallies, not with those who proudly voted in the last election. AND ELECTED THE OTHER GUYS. DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT?

The last election was all about taking responsibility for our country’s future. AS IN NOT QUITTING YOUR JOB HALFWAY THROUGH YOUR TERM. President Obama and I may not agree on everything, but I know he would join me in affirming the health of our democratic process. WITNESS: THE SENATE. I REST MY CASE. Two years ago his party was victorious. Last November, the other party won. In both elections the will of the American people was heard, and the peaceful transition of power proved yet again the enduring strength of our Republic. WHICH I WHY I CONTINUALLY CRITICIZE THE OTHER PARTY, EVERY CHANCE I GET.

Vigorous and spirited public debates during elections are among our most cherished traditions. And after the election, we shake hands and get back to work, and often both sides find common ground back in D.C. and elsewhere. If you don’t like a person’s vision for the country, you’re free to debate that vision. If you don’t like their ideas, you’re free to propose better ideas. But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel SARAH PALIN USES CHRISTIAN BABY BLOOD TO MAKE MATZOH. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. LIKE DEATH PANELS. That is reprehensible. THE NEXT MAP: GUNSIGHTS OVER THE PEOPLE WHO CRITICIZE ME FOR USING MAPS WITH GUNSIGHTS.

There are those who claim political rhetoric is to blame for the despicable act of this deranged, apparently apolitical criminal. And they claim political debate has somehow gotten more heated just recently. But when was it less heated? BEFORE OH, SAY, WHEN A BLACK GUY GOT ELECTED PRESIDENT? Back in those “calm days” when political figures literally settled their differences with dueling pistols? GOOD THING SARAH WASN’T LIVING THEN. SHE CAN’T SHOOT. In an ideal world all discourse would be civil and all disagreements cordial. But our Founding Fathers knew they weren’t designing a system for perfect men and women. If men and women were angels, there would be no need for government. WAIT, I THOUGHT GOD KEPT THEM IN LINE? Our Founders’ genius was to design a system that helped settle the inevitable conflicts caused by our imperfect passions in civil ways. So, we must condemn violence if our Republic is to endure. SO, LIKE YOU COULD, YOU KNOW, STOP USING TERMS LIKE “RELOAD” AND MAPS WITH GUNSIGHT SYMBOLS ON THEM. AND YOU COULD GET TO THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT — THIS ONE — MORE QUICKLY AND EMPHATICALLY, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT CRITICISM DIRECTED AT YOU.

As I said while campaigning for others last March in Arizona during a very heated primary race, “We know violence isn’t the answer. When we ‘take up our arms’, we’re talking about our vote.” AND WHEN I SAID “DEATH PANELS,” I REALLY MEANT “REVIEW COMMITTEES.” Yes, our debates are full of passion, OH, TODD! but we settle our political differences respectfully at the ballot box – as we did just two months ago, and as our Republic enables us to do again in the next election, and the next. ONLY IN AMERICA. NO ON ELSE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD CAN VOTE FOR THEIR ELECTED OFFICIALS. UH, WAIT, LET ME REPHRASE THAT. … DEATH PANELS! That’s who we are as Americans and how we were meant to be. Public discourse and debate isn’t a sign of crisis, but of our enduring strength. It is part of why America is exceptional. YAY, US! YAY, ME!

No one should be deterred from speaking up and speaking out in peaceful dissent, AND USING GUN METAPHORS and we certainly must not be deterred by those who embrace evil and call it good. And we will not be stopped from celebrating the greatness of our country and our foundational freedoms by those who mock its greatness by being intolerant of differing opinion and seeking to muzzle dissent with shrill cries of imagined insults. THEY BLAMED ME! ME! THE NERVE OF THOSE PEOPLE! I WAS ONLY DISSENTING.

Just days before she was shot, Congresswoman Giffords read the First Amendment on the floor of the House. It was a beautiful moment and more than simply “symbolic,” as some claim, to have the Constitution read by our Congress. WHO COULD USE A REFRESHER COURSE, ANYWAY. I am confident she knew that reading our sacred charter of liberty was more than just “symbolic.” But less than a week after Congresswoman Giffords reaffirmed our protected freedoms, another member of Congress announced that he would propose a law that would criminalize speech he found offensive. AND HE’S AN IDIOT. YOUR POINT IS …?

It is in the hour when our values are challenged that we must remain resolved to protect those values. THAT’S WHY I REMOVED THE GUNSIGHT MAP FROM MY WEBSITE, AND SCRUBBED MY TWITTER REMARKS, TOO. Recall how the events of 9-11 challenged our values and we had to fight the tendency to trade our freedoms for perceived security. And so it is today. AND THAT IS WHY I QUESTIONED WHY A MOSQUE SHOULD BE BUILT NEAR THE WORLD TRADE CENTER SITE IN MANHATTAN.

Let us honor those precious lives cut short in Tucson by praying for them and their families and by cherishing their memories. Let us pray for the full recovery of the wounded. And let us pray for our country. AND LET US TELL SARAH TO STFU, BECAUSE WE REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY ANYMORE. In times like this we need God’s guidance and the peace He provides. We need strength to not let the random acts of a criminal turn us against ourselves, or weaken our solid foundation, or provide a pretext to stifle debate. BECAUSE IT’S PERFECTLY REASONABLE TO USE GUN METAPHORS IN POLITICAL DISCOURSE. THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN FOOTBALL METAPHORS, OR HOCKEY TERMS.

America must be stronger than the evil we saw displayed last week. We are better than the mindless finger-pointing we endured in the wake of the tragedy. WHO IS THIS ‘WE’ YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, KEMOSABE? We will come out of this stronger and more united in our desire to peacefully engage in the great debates of our time, to respectfully embrace our differences in a positive manner, and to unite in the knowledge that, though our ideas may be different, we must all strive for a better future for our country. May God bless America. AND ME. ALSO.
– Sarah Palin
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“Blood libel,” in case you don’t know, is the incorrect belief that Jews use dead Christian babies’ blood in worship services, or to make matzoh. I’m not even Jewish, and I find Palin’s use of that particular term so offensive as to leave me speechless. What bright light on her team chose that term, I’d like to know. Wrong choice of words for completely the wrong time.

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